The first few months are the happiest stage of almost any relationship.
You feel like sparks are everywhere and butterflies are in your stomach every time you think about it. You look forward to spending every moment together. You think you’ve found your soulmate and he could be the one you’ll grow old with.
Several years have passed and you are assessing your relationship.
What has happened?
You feel like you’re lying next to a stranger. When you look at it, you don’t feel anything at all. You start to wonder how you got to this point. When did you start being cold to each other? When did you stop trying to make this relationship work?
Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you feel like this is just a phase and your relationship is worth holding on to, read on to see what you can do to bring back the spark and joy:
Express Your Concerns Effectively
There could be any number of reasons why your relationship has cooled down – trust issues, money issues, timing, etc.
It’s time to have an open conversation with your partner and pour out your heart. Tell him all the things you don’t want in this relationship. Express all your frustration and anger in an objective way.
If it’s your partner’s turn to speak, listen to him and put aside all judgment and prejudice. The purpose of this conversation is solving all the unresolved issues and understanding each other’s point of view.
Go on a date
If you have lived together for a long time, everything turns into a boring routine. The joy is lost because you are stuck in the same routine every day.
Bring back joy and fun schedule a date night every week. If you have children, ask a close friend or family member to babysit while you and your partner rekindle your relationship.
You can even relive your first date by going to the same restaurant and wearing the same clothes you wore. Maybe you too will return to that same feeling you got when you first saw him walk in that door.
You can also plan a vacation trip just the two of you. Book a reservation to an complete resort or if you have children, consider taking them to a family friendly resort. Experiencing new things together in a new place might just make you fall in love all over again.
Get Down Your Wall
We tend to install facades and make walls when we feel that we are going to get hurt. It is a defense mechanism we create to create the impression that we are strong and that nothing can hurt us. Everyone gets hurt from time to time – so don’t be shy or embarrassed.
Clear the distance you’ve created by dropping your defense mechanism. Sometimes it’s okay to be vulnerable and fragile, it just shows that you trust your partner so much that you’re willing to show your weak side.
When you become cold and distant from each other, you also start to lose physical intimacy.
Be intimate is an important part of a relationship. It’s what sets you apart from other relationships like friendships, colleagues, etc. Make an effort to physically connect with one another. Simple gestures like stroking her back or hair can be a great start.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
If being together makes you feel suffocated, it’s okay to take a break from each other. Take a few days so you don’t see each other. Take time off think about your current relationship and what you can do to make it better.
You may even miss your partner and realize that you cannot live without each other. Being away from each other will make you realize the value of your relationship.
Remember the Good Times
When all you do is bicker and throw hurtful words at each other, you tend to forget that he is the same person that you love.
Sometimes it just takes a trip down memory lane to bring that feeling back again. Instead of dwelling on the bad things that happened to your relationship, focus on your good memories.
Remember the time your partner had to catch a 3 o’clock flight just to be with you on graduation day?
Remember the time you went to this fancy dinner and ended up sneaking out because neither of you had any money to pay the bills? Reminiscing about your good times together will make you realize that you had great times and it was worth fighting for.
Relationships are like plants. You have to take care of them every day so they can thrive. As long as your love for each other is strong and you both want to strive for this relationship, you will get through this phase.