Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense rage and anger,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do your levels of the energy hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or an event (traffic jam, canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worry or thinking about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic events or anger can also trigger feelings of anger.
Strategies To Prevent Anger
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1). Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxation images, can help calm angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can use them in any situation. If you’re in a relationship where both partners are grumpy, it may be worth learning this technique for both of you.
Some simple steps you can try:
- Inhale deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest will not relax you. Imagine your breath coming out of the “gut”.
- Slowly repeat calm words or phrases like “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat to yourself while breathing deeply.
- Use imagery; visualize relaxing experiences, either from memory or your imagination.
- Exercises like yoga that are light and slow can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice this technique every day. Learn to use it automatically when you are in a tense situation
2). Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in very colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get really exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational thoughts. For example, instead of saying to yourself, “oh, this is horrible, horrible, everything is falling apart,” tell yourself, “this is frustrating, and I’m understandably upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and get angry. not going to fix it anyway.”
Be careful with words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or other people. “This !&*%@ machine never works,” or “You keep forgetting things” are not only inaccurate, but serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there is no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and embarrass those who might be willing to work with you to find a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry won’t fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and maybe it will make you feel worse).
Logic trumps anger, because anger, even if justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world “doesn’t want to set you up”, you are just going through some tough times in your everyday life. Do this whenever you feel anger getting to you, and it will help you gain a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: justice, appreciation, approval, a willingness to have things done their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands are not met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, “I want” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. When you can’t get what you want, you will have normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid hurt feelings, but that doesn’t mean the pain goes away.
3). Problem solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration is caused by very real and unavoidable problems in our life. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it is a natural, healthy response to these difficulties. There’s also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to know that’s not always the case. So the best attitude to deal with such situations is not to focus on finding solutions, but on how you deal with and deal with problems.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give your best, but also don’t beat yourself up if the answers don’t come right away. If you can approach it with the best of your intentions and make a serious effort to confront it head-on, you’re more likely to lose your temper and fall into an all-or-nothing state of thinking, even if the problem isn’t resolved properly. Far.
4). Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be wildly inaccurate. The first thing to do if you find yourself in a heated discussion is to slow down and think about your response. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Also listen to what underlies the anger. For example, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your “significant person” wants more connection and closeness. If he starts complaining about your activity, don’t retaliate by describing your partner as a warden, warden, or albatross around your neck.
It’s normal to be defensive when criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what those words are based on: the message that the person may be feeling neglected and unloved. This may require lots of patient questioning on your part, and may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger—or that of your partner’s—let the discussion spiral out of control. Keeping your cool can prevent a situation from turning disastrous.
5). Using Humor
“Silly humor” can help defuse anger in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone by name or refer to them in imaginative phrases, stop and imagine what that word literally sounds like. If you’re at work and think of your coworker as a “dirtbag” or a “single-cell life form,” for example, imagine a big bag full of poop (or amoeba) sitting on your coworker’s desk, talking all the time. phone, go to a meeting. Do this every time a name pops into your head about someone else. If you can, make a picture of what the original looks like. This will reduce your anger; and humor can always be counted on to help defuse tense situations.
Fundamental messages from very angry people, says Dr. Deffenbacher, is “everything has to go my way!” Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or change of their plans is an unbearable humiliation and that they do NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people did, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, imagine yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns streets, shops, and offices, walking alone and following your path in all circumstances while others bow down to you. The more detail you can go into your imaginary scene, the better chance you have of realizing that perhaps you are not making sense; You will also realize how insignificant the things that make you angry really are. There are two caveats to using humor. First, don’t try to “laugh” at your problem; instead, use humor to help yourself deal with it more constructively. Second, don’t succumb to crude, sarcastic humor; it is just another form of expression of unhealthy anger.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it is often accompanied by ideas that, when examined, can make you laugh.
6). Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it is our closest environment that makes us irritated and angry. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to fall into and all the people and things that make up that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have “private time” scheduled for times you know are especially stressful. One example is the working mother who has a fixed rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “no one talks to mom unless the house is on fire”. After this brief period of silence, she felt better equipped to handle demands from her children without blowing them off.
7). Some Other Tips to Relieve Yourself
Timing: If you and your partner tend to fight over things at night—maybe you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just a habit—try changing the times when you talk about important things so the conversation doesn’t turn into an argument.
Avoidance: If your child’s messy room makes you growl every time you walk past it, close the door. Don’t make yourself see what makes you angry. Don’t say, “Well, my child has to clean the room so I don’t have to be mad!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Find alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic makes you angry and frustrated, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or look for other alternatives, such as buses or commuter trains.
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Source : Anger management
