Whether you’ve chosen to resign from a job that made you completely miserable, were laid off, or found yourself unemployed for some other reason, being an unemployed partner in a cohabiting relationship is tough. Above all, you tend to feel stressed and guilty; fully aware that your partner is now providing both of them of your.
I found myself in this position last month, and was very worried about how my new status of unemployed would affect my relationship with my partner of three years.
However, over the past few weeks, I’ve come across a few things that make life a little easier, and wanted to share a tip with you…
Discuss finances as soon as possible
Early in my unemployment period, my partner and I sat down and discussed our money situation and how we were going to manage our mortgage and household bills. It’s not an easy conversation, but it’s important to know who can pay what, and for how long.
Break your spending habits and find ways to make extra money
It goes without saying that you have to be extra careful with your money. I cut food costs by buying in bulk, reducing meat or bakery products and freezing and baking them instead of buying sweets. I was so desperate to save money that I wrapped myself in a blanket and hugged a hot water bottle instead of turning on the heater! The key is to watch your spending.
In terms of making extra money while you are unemployed, sell what you don’t need! I have made over £50 selling clothes and books I no longer use ebay!
Get up when your partner does
Not only will you have plenty of time to devote to finding work that will excite and fulfill you, but you won’t have to worry about your partner imagining you lying in bed watching funny YouTube videos on your phone while they’re at work…!
Increase your chances of finding a job
Don’t get into the habit of using only one website to find a job; scouring newspapers, leveraging social media and watching ads. Keep in mind, too, that many jobs are not advertised, so it’s a good idea to approach the job site with a well-structured CV and cover letter.
You may want to consider offering your services for free in the hopes that it will result in paid work. Several years ago, I did a lot of volunteer work with children with special educational needs and managed to find a full-time job as a Learning Support Assistant in a high school based on my experience. Now, because I want to work in the publishing sector, I volunteer for book reviews Macmillan’s Cancer and will soon be doing some voluntary corrections for Guide dog. Even if I never get paid work through the work I do, it’s an invaluable charity to give my time to, (and I’m sure potential employers will agree!)
…but don’t be afraid to take time out of the job search!
Job hunting can be draining and soul-destroying, and to present the best version of yourself to potential employers, you need to take the time, without feeling guilty. Which brings me well to…
Take care of your health; both physically and mentally
Running or brisk walking is great for your body And thought. If you’re not a person who likes to exercise for long periods of time, just 10 minutes of workout DVDs or online workouts will help your general fitness.
If I’m feeling stressed from the job search all day, I’m more likely to read, listen to music, or take a nice hot bath. I also make myself the same healthy lunch I would eat if I were working every day, and try to get enough sleep every night.
Make an effort with household chores
Since being unemployed, I’ve been responsible for cleaning the house, shopping for food, and cooking dinner, but my partner has made it clear to me that he doesn’t expect me to do everything.
It may seem fair to take over household chores if you’re home and your partner is working, but remember that you are both of them living in your house, and your current lack of work shouldn’t mean you never take a break from homework!
Better yourself
Apart from job hunting, spend your time doing things that will benefit you, but will also look good on your CV. Then, during the interview, you can say that you’ve spent your time wisely, whether volunteering for a charity, traveling abroad and learning a new language or studying for a course, (for example). In addition to my volunteer work, I also attend local writer’s workshops and work on my blog; I can mention both of them in my CV.
Don’t be an ascetic; look at your friends!
It is important not to hide in the house. Your friends will understand that you can’t splurge on a three-course dinner at an Italian chain like you can when you’re working, but you can find cheaper (or even free) things to do together. (And you should!)
Make sure your partner knows you value them
My partner knows that I am very grateful for his support during my time of unemployment, both financially and emotionally, because I tell him so often.
Like I said before, your unemployment hasn’t been easy on your partner either, and it’s important to let them know you respect them.
